Psychology of the Mind

yesterday was a great day of bonding w my girlfrens.. =)

2003-04-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

lyk i had this insane idea of cooking for them really long ago and "booked" all of dem for v-day.. so last nite hOney hOn, eLi, yoyo, renee, yvonne & julia came over for dinner!! and w eLi's and my mom's heLp, i managed to whip up dory fish w garlic mushroom sauce, pasta, smoked salmon, pineapple-mango-orange ice-blended, and fruit kebabs w honey-yoghurt & mango yoghurt dip.. =) and my mom cooked ribs, which were really great!! but the fave was the dory fish.. my pasta kinda flopped.. it was not al dente and smth was missing but i dunno wad! argh!
me & eLi tried to budget but it still came close to ninety bucks for stuff.. but it was money weLL spent in my opinion, i lve fish.. hOpe my mom gives me back else i'm dead.. haha..

aft d gals left, me and eLi watched le divorce on vcd.. kinda no plot.. but kate hudsOn is so pretty and the show was done in france.. and it was all so pretty!! i want to go france!! paris!!!!! haha.. and find a rich man who buys me hermes kelly bags and scarves.. okok was kidding abt tt.. really.

so anywayz, going to ncc later.. bringing yoLand.. amazing.. i am so excited! and i am sure she is too!! everyday, i am reminded of how much He loves each and every single one of us. and no matter how hard we fall, He is here. to pick us up, comfort us, and everything that He does is a demonstration of His loving kindness..

recentLy haf been really confused abt sOme stuff.. and tho i pray everyday that i'LL yieLd it alL into His hands, somehow i am still bothered by it? i dunno.. lyk how u try to delude urself into thinking that things are all well and good when its not? and at the end of d day, u feel tired and used.. ok maybe "tired and used" is not the right phrase.. but i dunno how to say it!! i dunno how to put into words wad is going on inside me and i'm afraid if i do, things'll get worse and ARGH!! fuck it. i dunno man..

oh weLL looking at a great day today.. and hOpe things all take a turn for d beTter.. =)

ok using my bro's pc..

2003-04-05T21:02:00.000-08:00

i was damn damn damn damn sick yesterday and had to see a doc.. and didn't go to sch.. which proved to be quite bad coz i missed 1 french lecture which means missing a lot of stuff.. argh..

tmr i v-day.. so exciting!! gonna cooK for my darling gerfrens.. namely yoland, eLi, hOney hOn, renee, yvOnne & juLia.. haven't really decided on d menu yet.. except smoked salmon salad.. juz gonna go cold storage w eLi and see.. but quite sad oso coz i love roses but not getting any this yr... last yr i got 1 stalk.. (i think).. the yr before i got 1 rose & 1 sunfLower.. (i think) haha.. dunnO la.. i get more during concerts den on v-day.. haha..

anyway, thanks for all ur concern.. i am feeling much much better today so no worries.. but feeling better means a greater challenge to remember to take my anti-biotics.. haha..

anywayz, cLaypot is at my place now.. giving my bro physics tuition.. hOpe it aLL goes well.. haha..

got back my french tests.. not too bad.. haha.. 5/10 for compre, 20/20 for the written wrksheet, and 16/20 for the listening exercise.. muz work harder me.. haha..

oh wellest.. shd go catch up on my work now.. tk care ya aLL.. and haf a bLast this v-day!! dun maTter if u r not attached, juz go haf a blast w ur paLs!! and know that He loves us all.. =)

source of love

2003-04-03T21:02:00.000-08:00

ok i shd be going to sch for sectionals lyk now.. but dunno leh.. dey r always late anyway, so will juz leave after i blog..

yesterday watched this movie called "source of love" in sch, as part of the outreach effort made by VCF to the PRC scholars here.. super good and inspiring movie.. and v true la.. wish i could make my parents watch it man.. its abt how this guy, after having picked himself up after receiving Christ, starts to reach out to his family. His dad is the ULTIMATE stubborn kind.. and his sis v problematic wan.. and at d end of the day, he died when saving his dad in a road accident, but not b4 he shared and converted his delinquent fren, his mom, his sis.. and aft his death, his dad as well..

last night i watched taxi 1 on vcd.. and i realised i could actually pick up wad dey were saying now and den.. (d show is in french) and i realised i've actually watched the entire show before.. dunno y i was under the impression tt i onli watched half.. i muz be becoming seniLe..

going for campus min tonite w hOney hOn & yvonne.. quite excited =) really wish to be more involved in things but no means to..

oh well i better get going.. =)

haf a bLessed day~

April Fool, not really.

2003-04-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

in central lib now.. trying to do SW readings.. still gotta go print out d lecture notes b4 i go for lecture. haha. totally forgot.

anyway, i bought 2 damn cooL posters in sch today.. X2 and Finding Nemo.. not for myself but as gifts. wanted the last samurai or the pirates of d carribean wan for myself but decided to save d mOoLah coz i dun haf d mooLah and oso coz my dad hates for us to out posters up.. so buy liao oso cannot put it up.. haha...

oh wellest.. wilL try to add more interesting stuff on my blog soOn.. =)

juz finished one more set of js readings

2003-03-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

tmr js tutorial so i hafta finish reading alL for this week.. i regret taking this moduLe. and wad's worse is tt my project wrk grp sucks. i'm feeLing v antagonized by the whole affair.. so let's just leave it at that..
managed to meet up w jin when he came back.. and t'was cooL.. but its only after he came back that i realised HOW packed my scheduLe really is this sem! haha..lyk i had stuff last sem too, but there was stiLL time la.. but now is lyk so terOk.. and not to mention wadeva free time i haf shd be spent catching up on readings or working on projects.. but somehow stuff juz doesn't get done?? so tho we said tt we'll do this and that yada yada during his break here.. i really dunno how much wiLL get dOne..
stiLL havent met up w estLe.. can't seem to contact her.. and she's flying back to canberra on d 13th already. sigh.
and anywayz, i think i need to see a dOc.. my dandruff prob has gone beyond wad is normaL levels and no medicated shampOo can fix d proB! wiLL try for one more wk.. and if it stiLL faiLs, i am going to see a doc.
speaking of seeing a doc, i need to make appt w my dentist..
today is d last day of CNY.. and i didn't manage to go to river angbao.. so sad. this yr one lyk so happening.. and for the entire 15 days that was CNY i didn't manage to go.. sad.. nexT yr muz make more effort to gO man..
oh weLLest, smth's bugging me but i can't say it. i dun even know if its smth concrete i shd be bugged by or izzit juz a figment of my own hyper-sensitivity..
oh wanna thank ivan ah-kor for buying me tt cute pink penciLcase as a belated b-dae prezzie =)

back to js readings.. sigh..

"trust in the Lord w all your heart and all your mind, and lean not on your own understanding"

met up w annabelle for her b-dae dinner..

2003-03-23T20:57:00.000-08:00

zakk, michelle c, christy, karen t and jin were dere oso.. along w ismaiL and his fren who is a serious hot chick. haha..

anyway ate at moonfish.. which is actually spaggedies w an improved menu.. the food was gOod and dessert was goOd oso. haha. satisfying..

anywayz, tmr got 8am class. sianz. haha. den free frm 10-1.. den got tutorial.. den v sianz la. got tO find a project grp.. i hate doing tt.. i prefer to do indiv work.. haha.. anti-social yes.. haha..

got tuition tmr oso.. hope d poor girl is feeling better..

i'm not feeling too good.. haha. kinda stone..

gotta do qt & sleep soon..

looking 4ward v-day.. when i'll be cooking 4 my darling gfs.. haha.. =)

oh welL..

nite nite~

mOrning aLL!

2003-03-21T08:56:00.000-08:00

its 21st of mar. how blardy fast is tt.. lyk i still feel as tho d yr has juz started or smth.. haha..

anywayz, had quite a gd day yesterday. my mom entertained frens at hOme and cooked a lot of stuff.. so was good.. budden got v noisy den cannot study.. den i down w a bad flu somemore.. sigh..

den went to claypot's place for cg.. and we had a pretty gd session, abt God's love for us. coincidentally, it was d msg during svc on sunday toO! but wad's sad is tt there'LL be no more cg for me tiLL after april 12th.. coz got band pracs on mondays.. and i shdn't be missing anymore, esp w concert juz round d corner..

meeTing up w annabeLLe and many other bookseLLers later for dinner this evening.. act am to meet jin wan.. lyk he's flying back today. actually, he shd be back already. but he MIA la.. havent been onLine since lyk friday.. den nv contact me. so i dunno man.. haha... think i'll end up heading down aLone can.. think i'LL leave JS lecture halfway or smth la.. haha.. or maybe juz not go at alL.. dunnoz..

oh weLL.. i sh go shOwer and head to sch soOn.. got HY2207 lecture at 10am..

cheeriOz & haf a gd & bLessed tuesday =)

okie.. had a gd time at church today

2003-03-19T20:45:00.000-08:00

powerfuL msg =) He spoke to me thru d msg tt was given.. =) and i signed up for campus ministry w hOney hOn and yvonne tOo.. =)

was thinking of the "situation" with my parents regarding this issue.. ok its not really a situation if dey dunno anything.. but welL.. dey HAVE to know sooner or later.. argh!! i dunno la.. crappies.. wiLL juz continue to yieLd everything into His hands and when He speaks, i wiLL act and leave the resuLts into His hands..

argh. i still feel antagonized.

tmr gonna have cg @ claypot's place.. so far! but i hafta go.. coz aft 2/2/04 i'LL not be able to go for CG untiL after concert liao.. coz of band.. concerts coming up so its really more impt at this point ya? sigh..

i'm damn broke.. and the month has juz started. i'm bloody screwed.. sigh.. oh welL..

my dandruff has been getting worse and i think it reached its peak today man. feeling v antagonized.. hpe d new shampoo works.

oh welLesT..

"and i will love You all my life
for You are my reason
the One that i live for..
and i will love You all my life
for You are the reason
You're the One that i live for....."

sang this song in church today.. greaT sonG! i love it.. i think it really encapsulates wad i wanna say.. too bad i cant recalL the entire song.. oh weLL.. =)

nite worLd~

tom cruise rOx!!

2003-03-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

hey hey.. today has been quite a good day la. watch last samurai. tom cruise rOx!! super coOL shOw!! but peTer pan rOx toO!!

today spent a lot of mooLah.. die la!!!! feb muz scrimp and save liaOz.. sighz.. sometimes i think my generous nature is d bane of my life.. haha.. but i shaLL entrust everything into His hands.. finances incLuded.. =)

oh i was in town.. to pick my bro frm tuition den haf dinner.. den william was w me.. and so was half of the sg population.. damn packed!! den we walked and walked and didnt get anywhere.. ended up centrepoint and ate at fish & co.. and dere was a HUGE crowd of HCJC ppL.. J1s.. makes me feel old. but nvm.. THEY WERE BLARDY NOISY!! totally turned me off can....... wah lau................................................ i want to write in to d sch and bitch..lyk i still remember my days in sch sch, how some ppL always write in to NYGH to complain abt "inappropriate behaviour" of ny gaLs and yada yada... but muz wait la.. haha.. now no mood.. haha..

bought a booK on WWI today.. damn cooL! haha but gotta read it la..

oh well.. i wanna go church tmR.. i want i want i want!! i haf tO!!!!!!!!!!

unearthly hour

2003-03-12T04:30:00.000-08:00

hey hey.. i'm seldom online @ this unearthly hour.. but i had to charge my lappie to completion..

and i juz came back frm watching peter pan.. super nice shOw!!! the guy is so cuTe!! and the girL is v pretty toO!!

actually planned to watch 2130 show wan.. but d person i was watching w onli contacted me at 2120.. den west malL v lau pOk.. onli got 2130 and 2345 show.. lyk nothing that is 2200 wan.. so we ended up stoning @ macs and caught the 2345 show.. i Had to catch peter pan, after how hOney hOn and aLl raved abt it..

he was v tired and kinda gone liao.. not to mention kinda sick and all.. but still watched the 2345 show.. haha.. ok he JUST reached hOme. haha..

oh well.. such are things now.. am gLad that i've had this time w him, tho it was nothing much.. i haf surrendered aLL things into the hands of the Lord and i'm coOL.. =)

stiLL haf unanswered qns, but i haf come to see that there's really nothing more to say. the qns haf been rendered pointless.. and generated becoz i was trying to controL stuff.. i have seen past it already =)

the Lord is good! and His mercies endure forever =)

its now @ 98%.. when wiLL it charge to 100%?? i'm really feeling v unweLL, but i can't pinpoint wad's wrong.. dunno la.. wiLL pop 2 panadoLs and go sLeep soOn...

in pain!!

2003-03-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

heLLo.. me in centraL lib.. waiting for lesson at 4.. doing SW readings while i'm at it..
mus tell u all abt JS tutorial today!! this wk is wk4, and last night, i stayed up to do wk 4's readings. but NO!! she has to do wk 3 readings! and gave us a quiz on it!! and she say can refer to notes, but it juz so happened that i didn't haf last wk's notes w me! so basically, of the three qns, i could onli do the 1st one, smoked the 2nd one.. and was totally clueless abt the 3rd one. and the stupid "o" key on my keyboard is not working.. muz press v hard den can..

i dunno wad limin is trying to do man.. she's lyk purposely chattering her teeth.. say wad the sound v nice.. i think she do too much econs.. den become a bit mad..

oh yah its gonna be feb soon.. muz call my dentist and check out my retainers.. haha..

oh welL.. i wrecked my right shoulder and shoulder blade.. the bone is lyk flattened.. haha.. and v paiN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its killing me can.. argH!

cannot make it.

yah tues is juz round d corner.. =) haha..

i am going psychotic..

i need to wrk harder.

i need to be more chao mugger.

argh.

take care alL u shiny ppL..

and HoNey hOn, u rock my worLd =)

Long Day

2003-03-06T23:48:00.000-08:00

6th March 2003. haha. sorry man.. can't get out of it. haha.. oh wellest.. my day has been pretty good in d whole, despite me not being myself..

i guess i really enjoyed social work tutorial today.. but i think js tutorial will suck.. (its tmr morn). oh well.. hope its still survivable..

went for esc today. was quite fun talking to the prcs.. tho my grp is lyk the smallest and therefore quietest in the room, i think small grp is good oso.. easier to communicate? =)

i muz start putting 110% of myself into band man.. concert coming.. not lyk i mind.. i do love music and playing music.. its juz that i'LL hafta give up CG on mondays.. sigh sigh..

do come for NUS concert on the 12th of march, 8pm @ UCC if u can.. it'll be much appreciated =) can either sms me (if u haf my number).. hope to see many many of my frens dere =)

so anywayz, its 2340 already.. 6th Mar is ending soon.. i still haf unanswered questions.. which i dun dare to ask.. and since i've promised God certain stuff, i'LL juz leave it as that la.

i yield everything into Your mighty Hands, oh Father in Heaven! =)

as my Honey Hon has put it so well, i beLieve in Jesus! i do, i do!

sarah mc sings "fear"

i need a BMW 760Li to make me feel better..

2003-03-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

today is the 4th of March 2003.. it shouldn't be significant but somehow it is? dunno la.. sigh. got so many unanswered questions.. but they are questions which seem destined to remain unanswered.

argh.

irritating.

i'm still not myself.. argh.

i need a BMW 760Li to make me feel better.. actually a red mini cooper wud do la.. haha.

jOkes..

cold day in schooL man.. rain and rain... showers of bLessing? but i guess at this point, rainy weather is gooD la..

juz saw someone w an interesting t-shirt. it says "facowrty of AKITORTURE" damn cooL. and true.. in light of the horrendous aki moduLe i took last sem..

oh well..

i nd to work on my french. crappies.

oh welLest..

have a goOD & bLessed day =)

i'm so sianz

2003-03-03T10:22:00.000-08:00

and unusually quiet. and tired? and i confused? i dunno la. haha. i am, in a nutshell, juz not feeling myself. haha.

am going to join campus ministry w HONey honz.. so excited!! haha.. =)

went for comm parade today, was quite cooL.. and tho weather was bad.. it was not THAT bad la.. so its cooL.. =)

sch was ok.. as i've mentioned in my earLier bLog la..

tmr got band.. quite exciting oso.. and got ESC! hOpe i dun say smth stupid.. or start feeling anti-social or wad la.. haha wun la.. i know my Lord is looking after me..

ok la.. till tmr den.. i'm really not myself.. and claypot is really not helping.. mean lyk he's juz saying for fun (i hope) but stiLL.. sigh.. i'm really not myself..

oh welL.. nite worLd~

at heLL inhaLing second hand smoke w yoLand and ah-kor..

2003-03-01T20:21:00.000-08:00

but no where else to sit.. oh weLL.. such is life..

had a one hour tutorial on WW1 earlier today.. was quite interesting.. but made me realise i really need to do in depth research & reading on this man..nv reaLLy read on WWI coz basically, i dun lyk WWI la.. haha.. now got no choice unless i wanna look and/or sound stupid in class..

gotta do my readings for chinaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ shd be interesting but i juz cannot get down to it.. crappies..

going safti later for someone's comm parade.. dunno y i agreed to go oso.. not lyk we r in each other's picture anymore.. haha.. jOkes.. juz hope that it dun lyk pour at the wrong times.. haha.. den will be blardy troublesome..

(yoLand says HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!) i officially declare her psychotic... too much JS corrodes ur brain.. DUN MAJOR IN JS!! later become like yoyo.. not such a gd idea.. haha..

yesterday honey hon ask me to not swear so much.. haha.. but i realise i onli really swear when i blog.. i dun spew vulgarities lyk out loud.. not really anyway..

sigh..

oh welL.. gtg liao.. befOre i totally kilL d batt of ah-kor's laptop..

here's a little something for all my girlfrens out dere..

2003-02-27T20:15:00.000-08:00

u know who u guys are. this is for you! thanks for keeping me going! love you aLL to biTs!! -hugz- u babes rock!

A mother and her just married daughter sat down together one day. As they talked about life, about the wedding invitations, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon herdaughter. "Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends.

Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and other relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought. 'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake, a grown up, not a young girl who needs girlfriends! Surely my husband and the family we'll start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life. After 50 years of living in this world, here is what I know about girlfriends:

Girlfriends bring you chicken curry and scrub your bathroom when you need help.

Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.

Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.

Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.

Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.

Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.

Girlfriends pull you out of jams.

Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.

Girlfriends help you look for a new apartment, help you pack, and help you move.

Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!

Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.

Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.

Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.

Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.

Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.

Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.

Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.

Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.

Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

Times passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Love waxes and wanes.

Hearts break.

Careers end.

Jobs come and go.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favours.

Men don't call when they say they will.

BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

My daughter, sisters, mother, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, aunties, nieces, cousins, extended family, and friends bless my life! The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to the women who help make your life work. I just did.

I love you all so much.

If you love someone you say it...
You say it right then, out loud,...

or the moment just...
passes you by.

--My Best Friend's Wedding

my laptop keeps farking stalling.

2003-02-24T20:11:00.000-08:00

i feel lyk screwing ibm upside down and inside out.. oh weLL..

had a farking bad day.. so if u think u're going to be affected by this pLs stop reading NOW..

argh. the bad weather really didn't help things.

why is it that stuff always blows up in my face? i know i shd juz abide in the Word and let His love and peace and joy be in me always. but i'm not lyk some really fantastic ppl i know who can smile and smile and smile no matter wad shit has happened.. i try to be like this yet i fail lyk 80% to 90% of d time.

ok i admit tt i do say stuff w/o thinking sometimes.. but most if d time i do.. now at least. think tt's one thing tt has really changed abt me.. that compared to 2 yrs ago, i really think before i open my mouth. but its lyk sometimes it juz slips out.. and den before u know it, things blow up and u feel lyk shit for a long long while.. not knowing wad is going to happen. not knowing where anything is going. not knowing wad u urself are feeling. not knowing any-farking-thing..

ok basically i'm having a blardy farked up day. 1st, last nite after cg was bad. i felt sick. lyk really sick. den slept. den woke up feeling lyk shit. i regretted taking 2 and not 20 panadols before sleeping.

BUT i went to sch anyway, and felt better after d HY2207 lecture.. HY2207 rocks, would make a good number plate! haha.. den had french tutorial. den had lunch. den had js2224 lecture. its darn boring. resorted to 1st copying everything he flashed den transcribing everything he said so i wun fall asleep.. sigh.. i cannot sleep during lecture. i cannot skip lecture. not this sem!! not ever actually..

argh.

when i was having lunch, my mom called and asked me if i want to wear this pendent w the symbol of buddhism or wadeva... u know.. d swastika thing.. i think she's been looking out for a nice one since my parents saw me wearing a cross in 2002.. the cross tt went missing v shortly after..
so anyway, i toLd her no la.. den she went on to tell me its lyk how pretty and yada yada la. den she say if i'm not going to wear it she's not going to buy it. so i told her, its ok dun buy it coz i'm going to wear it. den she say "u wanna die ah! dun wanna wear this den wad? wear cross ah??" i was going to say yes, i wanna wear a cross, but not good idea. so i juz told her i'm not going to wear a chain. and yada yada. and she hung up. BUT lyk 5 sec later, she called again and asked am i sure i dun want it! and yada yada.. and i told her she v funny la. ask me if i want, den when i didnt give a "correct" answer, she cannot accept.. but anywayz, she eventually said ok she wun get it YET.. sigh.. but in d least when i came home she nv mention it la. sighz..

argh. this is getting to be a really long and unpleasant post. dun read it if wad i say dun please u. i juz need to get stuff off my chest. sighz.

i feel so misunderstood and misinterpreted sometimes.. and so.......... i dunnO la!!!!!!! argh. fuck.

trying to plough thru my readings now. history is still ok. but the js one can kill me. argh..

oh well.

i muz abide in the Word, and stand fast in faith. to hold on to His promises. to lay down everything into His hands. i am a God chick.. a princess.. a daughter of a King above all kings.. and no eviL can come near me.

listening to "You Said" by hiLLsongs ausTraLia.. ^_^

squeezing w the horrendous crowd

2003-02-21T20:04:00.000-08:00

hi alL.. hOpe u aLL had a good 1st day of CNY.. mine was pretty ok. cept for a rather unpleasant 1/2 hour or so squeezing w the horrendous crowd at the si ma lu guan yin tang near bugis.. the big temple near albert complex la..

wah today go visiting, den everyone was commenting abt my bro.. how he's grown, how much he looks lyk my dad, how good looking he is now.... not jealous or anything (i think my bro is pretty good-looking la!) but i suddenly feel really fat and ugly standing next tO him.. and i wonder wad happened to me man.... haha..

tmr going m'sia to do visiting.... for once i dun feel v keen.. i've actually been feeling kinda anti-sociaL.. dun ask me why.. haha...

i wonder how's angbao collection for everyone this yr? mine is better den last yr coz my dad did a huge favour for my aunt and so she gave us kids an extra big angbao la.. haha... can't wait to buy a pair of birkenstocks w the money man.. i need a pair of good slip-ons.. enough of laupok ten bucks slippers which kills my feet and den tries to kiLL me when dey wear out aft a month or so... yah man.. birkies, here i come!

my gd88 kept restarting itself when i was msg-ing today.. think its finally starting to show signs of wear and tear frm being dropped.. wah liaO... so sad la.. everytime i drop my phone its coz someone pushed me or bump into me or when i trying to siam someone wan lo.. sad case..

was talking to my oldest cousin today.. she's lyk 30 and unmarried, has a horrendous horrendous temper and attitude which can flare up as and when, juz ended a relationship, not v successful career wise (if u even consider her job a career la) and totally disillusioned w men. she juz wanna find a old rich man and be his kept woman lo.. sigh.. and she's telling me w my caliber wad kind of men i shd go for and yada yada.. i feel sad hearing her talk, seeing wad she's become... but wad's sadder is that most of wad she says, tho i may not agree, are horrendously true la.. sighz.. i hope i'm not so cynicaL when i'm tt age man.. ok la i know i won't, coz i haf JESUS in my life :D

yup and with that note, i wish everyone a happy and bLessed CNY!

sarah mclachlan sings "fumbling toward ecstasy"

juz got home frm meeting up w steve, kok & eLi..

2003-02-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

was ok la.. a bit funny coz.. yah.. but it was ok larz.. nice to catch up w ppL i havent seen a quite a long whiLe..

wanted to go indoor stadium wan.. but woke up at 8.. was pouring.. and i feLt dead.. and i dunno how to explain to my parents y i'm going out so earLy.. so decided not to go instead.. haha.. v bad rite? sigh.. mus go next week man..

tmr got sch!! haha.. i've been so blardy sLack d past 3 weeks of sch.. and its week 4 aLready! wtf... mus puLL my ankLe socks up to my chin and wOrk hard man... argH! i need a 4.0!! okok i've goTta chiLL and be coOL.. juz leave things in His hands.. i can do it as He sustains me... :D

trying to work on making my bLog skin.. so if u guys lyk suddenly see funny things, juz refresh d page again and hopefuLLy it'LL be ok.. it juz means i'm onLine and trying to do smth funny to the page.. haha..

my ang bao collecting has ceased (sadLy).. and i juz spent lyk a lot of mooLah today, mainly to buy jin's sis a nice wedding gift.. its so nice and sweeT, i want it for myself.. but its out of point to keep it for myself.. haha..

so anywayz, have a good week ahead.. and knowing me.. i'll juz bLog again later tonighT.. haha...

went to maLaysia and spent time w my fave niece

2003-02-17T20:05:00.000-08:00

hey hey!! me is back frm m'sia! went thru a bLardy bad jam at 2nd link.. actually we were headed to the causeway 1st.. but den.. WAH LIAO!! so headed to 2nd link.. was v bad oso.. but not as jiaLat..

so anywayz, went to maLaysia and spent time w my fave niece.. she's so cuTe! oh she's onli 6+.. SO CUTE!! haha.. and she loves me. and i love her :D haha..

survived d usuaL "wah so big liao!" "wah ah-ger ah, getting prettier and prettier!" "wah ah-ger ah! ur broTher taLLer den u liao!" so on and so forth.. but it's nice going back to m'sia.. coz my mom's side of d family is so much closer and sTuff.. but of coz i was blardy sianz when d kids were running ard lyk mad and d aduLts are all yakking and yakking abt dunno wad....... and i onli haf one cousin dere who's my age.. we used to be really really close and inseperable.. budden... oh well.. long story.... so anywayz i didnt get to see her at all.. i actually havent seen her in a really long time.. wad made it worse was tt dey started to look at old pics. and talked abt d good ol'days.. sigh.. made me think of how far we've come, how much we've changed.. how much things have changed.. and so on and so forth..

i think it's good that i dun go back to m'sia too often.. coz my appetite is better dere.. and got more mood to eat.. i think i really ate a lot over the 2 days i was dere.. haha.. stay any longer and i'll come back soooooooo fat i can't get into the mrt train. need to loose weight.hahaha...

and hOn.. its nice to know tt u dun think i'm fat and ugLy.. ;) thanks for believing and reminding me tt i'm a god chick ;)

see! wad wud i do w/o frens lyk honey hon? or eLi.. or yoyo?? haha...

my nieces and nephews were all so fascinated by my henna tattoo.. dey started rubbing at it.. lyk they practically tried to scrub my skin off... so not onli did my hand feel really sore, d tattoo now has a shorter life span... some parts are lyk really faded liao...... kids.... sigh...

i wanna watch movie.. watch movie.. watch movieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. esp last samurai!! despite wad everyone's been saying/thinking of tom cruise, i still think he rox k!!! haha...

economy's better this yr.. ang bao for sg so far is $416.. but too bad i can't say "$416 and counting".. coz yah i pretty much received frm all my relatives liao.. and i'm not big on visiting.. haha... and RM is abt 200.. not as much.. oh weLL..

happy collecting mooLah for the next 12 days or so.... i got too much stuff in my head to organise coherently and put here.. so.. oh welL...

enjOyz :D

listening to "ice cream" by sarah mclachlan... (who eLse do i listen to dese days man??)

hey alL!! HAPPY CNY!!

2003-02-14T23:56:00.000-08:00

its d yr of d monkey, so guys, do take goOd care of ur banana & peaches before smth happens.. haha.. ok that was quite sick.. its taken frm an sms that ah-pek sent to claypot and ah-kor and i dunno who else.. haha..

this arvo went town w claypot and he bought a funky phOne.. the new panasonic X70.. bLardy cooL.. so much nicer den mine.. but i shaLL be contented w my phOne.. and take comfort in that my phone camera takes clearer pics den his.. MUaHAHA..

and i reaLised that giordano has new colours for their v-neck tops.. i am i big fan of those.. aLready haf 2 white ones, 2 black ones, 1 maroOn one, 1 red one.. den todaY i saw pink, baby bLue and yeLLow and green! i wanT! haha..

so anywayz, i had a funky reunion dinner at a funky revolving restaurant at harbourfront la. food was ok.. it tasted pretty good and it was filling.. i can't stand places that charges horrendous amounts of money for not so good food in pathetic quantities.. at 1st e spinning was ok.. lyk pretty cooL.. but if u focus on the turning, it can really get to u. so i avoided looking down at the floor, where u can see it lyk really turning.. but once it hit 10pm, my cousins and i realised that the blardy place was turning faster.. and it was really getting to us. d facT that we were feeLing fuLL didn't heLp. oh welL.. but on d whoLe, it was cooL. and the tcs actress lin xiang ping (yvonne lim i think) and her family was lyk one tabLe away frm us. haha.. she looks prettier in persOn den on tv man..

am wearing my new PJs now.. v comfy.. its d shirt kind can! i love those! haha..

on a less cheery note, i feeL lyk i've recently lost a friend. i understand how hard it is for ppl to remain frens after they've broken up.. but i've always believed it to be possibLe, esp if after a long time.. budden rite, for all d talk of being close frens and yada yada.. and after such a long time.. its lyk d frenship toOk a sudden turn and he became distaNt la.. sigh.. i'm not expecting anything frm him lo. i've long given up on salvaging it and i juz wanna be frens.. i juz can't help but feel a bit sad that he's so distant la. as tho he's perpetually hiding smth frm me, or that he's juz keeping me in touch juz to humour me or wad.. sigh.. men...... haha...
i'LL juz lean on my Lord Jesus continuaLLy.. He'll nv let me dOwn.. He loves me as i am.. and basicaLLy, HE ROCKS MY WORLD!!!! :D

so anywayz, hOpe u aLL haf a bLessed yr ahead!

"I can do aLL things thru CHRIST who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

i finaLLy went to chinatoWn!

2003-02-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

but kinda sad coz d henna tattOo i goT wasn't as nice as it shd be. sighz... oh but i did manage to get a nice pink shawL for onli $5.. cheap cheap.. :D
bLardy fast.. tmr is CNY eve liao.. sch has started for 3 weeks and i havent dOne anything soLid.. after CNY i muz reaLLy get dOwn to sTuff man..

so anywayz, was reading my honey hon's bLog and she has once again reminded of my HeavenLy Father's infinite love for ME and YOU and EVERYONE.. and i ask myseLf why do i aLLow myseLf to feeL so dejected / rejected sometimes?? it hurTs Him when i hurt.. simpLy coz He loves me so. and i shd, esp in d times of trial, STANDFAST in FAITH.. :D thanks again to my honey hOnz and aLL my darLing frens.. :)

anywayz, smth v interesting occurred to me today.. but not v convenient to post here.. cOz i reaLised my bLog is wideLy linked.. haha.. but i juz hafta say that smth occurred to me.. haha.. not exacTLy "occurred", but yah.. i reaLised smth la. haha... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

so anywayz, hOpe u aLL wud bear in mind our Lord's all emcompassing love for YOU.. and i pray that you aLL wud haf a bLessed CNY :D

all the fear has left me now

2003-02-09T22:53:00.000-08:00

i'm not frightened anymore. it's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.it's my mouth that pushes out this breath and if i shed a tear i won't cage it. i won't fear love. and if i feel a rage i won't deny it. i won't fear love. companion to our demons they will dance and we will play. with chairs, candles and clothes, making darkness in the day. it will be easy to look in or out, upstream or down without a thought. and if i shed a tear i won't cage it, i won't fear love. and if i feel a rage i won't deny it. i won't fear love. peace in the struggle to find peace. comfort on the way to comfort and if i shed a tear i won't cage it. i won't fear love and if i feel a rage i won't deny it, i won't fear love. i won't fear love. i won't fear love.....

"fumbLing towaRds ecstasy" by sarah mcLachLan....

and cLaypoT beTter not get funny ideas abT d titLe..

me in in sch now.. in the central lib..

2003-02-09T15:33:00.000-08:00

dis farking cold place.. trying to read abt honda (not the car-maker) toshiaki and the discovery of europe... or more generally, abt late tokugawa reformers. haha.. crappies.. but decided to go read the bloggies of my usuaL ppL and smth hit me la. so here i am blogging la.

anyway, i think that humans are reaLLy irritating and super one-kind la!! we can say one thing and do another. say one thing and feel another. wear a farking mask, and tell ppl tt we r wearing a farking mask. den wads e pt of wearing d mask? and i think its understood tt everyone wears a farking mask la.. who walks ard, exposed, open and vulnerable to all things? some things are better lefT unsaid.. but if we dun say, its as tho we dun care. but if we say it, den its as thO we r either (a) stating d obvious (b) trying to get attention (c) wadeva other reason the warped human mind can think of. haha. i'm not saying that i'm not guilty of it.. or haf nv been guilty of it.. i'm juz saying that...... oh well.. better not say.. scarly get slammed.. jOkes..

we are all God's creation.. surely we weren't made to be so perverse, depraved.... yada yada??? wad d fark happened to us????? sigh....

oh i juz wanna show appreciation for those who haf been dere w me, for me, and stiLL are. u guys know who u r.. :D God bLess..

i love my red hair. its so me.

and its farking coLd here la.. and i haf SW1101E lecture at 4pm.. sianz..

and i need a man.. but i dun want one. haha. doubLe jOkes. oh welL..
ITS ALL PSYCHOBABBLE!!

back to honda toshiaki... den SW1101E...

i need to get my readings.. readings... readings...............................................

today went to KOPERWELTEN..

2003-02-08T19:52:00.000-08:00

otherwise known as BODY WORLDS... at expO! super duper uLtimate cooL!! i wanna go again!!! i went ard the place, thinking that this is such SOLID SHIT (sTuff) the entire time! its super soLid!!!!! jin betTer come go w me again when he geTs his aSs bacK! haha...

oh and i cleaned my roOm today. actually, its onli one shelf.. but the shelf with the most-est sTuff.. the shelf which i haf not cleaned for a few years coz i was in absolute deniaL.. so anyway i cleaned it out today.. threw out 3 big bags of stuff. and the shelf, along with alL its componenTs...is reaLLy nice and neaT now.. feeling quite gOod now.. i uncovered a lot of sTuff.. lyk pri sch stuff.. and yah la.. all sorts of sTuff la.. :D

so anywayz, i went shOpping yesterday and i bought damn a loT a loT sTuff!! haha... feeLs quite shiOk.. cooL sia.. mom was in good moOd.. and i bought a lot of stuff which i wun otherwise buy.. and best part is that most stuff is she suggest that i get wan can. lyk white/pink dress.. and ra-ra sKirtz... haha..

anywayz.. tmr got cLass at 8am!!! freakz....... how am i gonna hauL my fat ass out of bed at that unearThLy hour maN...... sigh..

i wanna go chinatOwn.. and get my yearLy henna tattOo on my hand! and i wanna go KTV! haha.. jOkeS...

ok i'm officially dying of headache..

2003-02-07T19:32:00.000-08:00

went for tuition. den head started to throb. den d girl oso lyk v sian and sleepy lidat. ask her to do maths, the simplest things she oso cannot do.. den i today cannot tahan oso.. so i juz let her do english (her fave) and do simple simple things.. den felt lyk i nv teach her much today.. but time lyk passed faster today at tuition oso..
so anyway i had my headache thru tuition.. thru band.. till now.. siaaaaaaaan...
so anyway, me dying of headache nOw..
sigh............

sarah sings "fear"

i'm home frm daryl's place..

2003-02-06T23:50:00.000-08:00

his room is nice and minimalist now. (not lyk i knoe wad it looked it before d overhauL..) but well.. its darn nice and i wanna clear my roOm too. but no $$ and no time.. haha.. oh weLLs.. and liang made steak.. and wedges and clam chowder.. and we had lyk fantestic ice-cream w losta toppings courtesy of eLi.. haha.. den watched this REALLY DARN COOL show called "Drumline"!! its darn cooL!! percussion rOcks!! we r d puLse of d band man!!!! yah so anywayz its a really cooL shoW..

love this chair he bought. think i'Ll go ikea and try find a red or yelLow one for me roOm.. :D

love juz chillin anD hanging ard at a frens place in a small grp... recharges my baTtery... thanks daryL, liang anD eLi :D

going for ntu concert sat nite..(tonite la..) excited! v long nv go concert w d ny crowd..

i havent coOked a fuLL meaL in ages!! wanna cooK.. but no time.. and my granny dominates d kitchen lyk dunnO wad lidaT.. and i hate to cLean up.. oh weLL... i think i still owe SC10 a pasta party since end of 2001... haha...

anywayz, haf a bLast this weekend!!

hello.. v sianz now. in arts canteen..

2003-02-05T19:31:00.000-08:00

juz stoning w claypot and ian and ah-kor.. v warm!!!!! tho i wearing shorts.. i'm still feeling blardy hot.. ok using claypot's lappie now. trying to think of ways to destroy it w/o him realising it.
so anyway, i went shopping last nite but bot nothing. v sad. nd to go shopping soon and find smth to buy. sigh..
so anyway, i got french class at 2. haha.
and anyway, i need to stoooody but lyk no mood.. crap.. think that i'll go into e flow when tutorials start. but den again, i have a sucky timetable this sem.. sigh.. 5 day week can.. and lyk not much free time.. sigh..
anywayz agian.. sarah mclachlan rocks.. haha...
anywayz again again, i got craving fro haagen's green tea ice cream.. argh...
looking forward to dinner tmr.. haha.. liang better whip up smth soLid..
argh i need to read.. and find my readings.. haha..
argh.. ok larz.. slept v well last nite. my hair looks v red sometimes. and v dark sometimes. dunno larz.. haha..
claypot and ian says i look lian w red hair.. oh welL.. i nv tot that i cud look lian even if i tried.. so wadeva la.. haha... i happy can liaoz.. rite? MUAHAHA.. :D

had a late nite/earLy morning talk w cLaypoT..

2003-02-04T10:29:00.000-08:00

and it reaLLy put sOme sTuff into perspective for me.. the conversation took a surprisingly "chim" turn at abt 3 pLus 4 am in d mOrning.. and we were lyk talking abt chim enough sTuff already.. (think we started talking abt liking vs loving.. den theologicaL sTuff.. den poLitics.. yada yada..)

this naTuraLLy lefT me feeLing reaLLy awake at a time when i shd aLready be sLeeping lyk a baby.. crappies..

but to sum up my refLections, wad hit me (again) was that love is aLL emcompassing. God is Love. so God is all emcompassing. and dere is no love greater den His love for us la :) (for more details, visit cLaypot's bLog; tho i muz say dere are a few finer detaiLs which i dun agree w him la..)

wad hit me for the first time is that recently, i've been getting to know myseLf all over again esp in d last 2 weeks or so. and its cooL.. haha... and aLso d facT that i'm actually not as confused as i think i am!! (so to ivan's tag to put my hands up if i'm confused abt love, i wanna say that my hand was raised, but i put it down at abt 5am this morn) :D wanna cLarify that its not that i'm not in love/out of love.. and for u aLL scandaL-loving ppL, me and cLaypot are juz gOod frens!! we both haf someone in mind, and its freakily coincidentaL that we r boTh not ready to make any commitments to anyone.. oh weLL..

i've surrendered everything into the hands of God.. i try to anyway.. sometimes we overestimate ourseLves, or try to teLL Him that there are areas in our life that we can take charge of.. which i haf come to see as smth siLLy la.. when He is Lord, He is Lord over ALL things.. :)

gonna change my hair coLour soOn.. hafta haf an obvious change on d outside to constantly remind myseLf that i'm different on d inside liao.. so i wun faLL back into oLd famiLiar shOes ^_^

cheeriOs!!

haf a greaT mid-week!! -hugz-

everytime i listen to sarah mc

2003-02-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

i fall in love w her songs... and i discover a different track in a new way each time. i savour one song at a time.. and i'm nv sick of it.. sigh............ ok i cud so go on and on talking at how in love i am w her but well... haha...

anyway, today wasn't eventfuL.. except that i was really sLeepy la. and we watched quite a cute video duing JS lecture... called "under another sun". abT japs in sg la... i'm too lazy to go into detaiL abt it.. unlyk my darling ah-kor who can juz go on and on and on abt sTuff.. haha... maybe when start studying in depth my HY2207, i'll share w u all my newly-discovered fascination w China's history...

so anyway, i'm really excited abt tmR!! coz its lyk my last free wednesday.. sigh.. i will haf a 5 day wk when tutorials kick in.. no la.. coz i'll be colouring my hair!! yearning for a new loOk.. my hairdresser beTter not boTch it up maN!! and i'm gOing shoPping!!! yay!!!!!!! haha... and tmr got FG!!! (faculty gathering for VCF) so exciTing!!! :) and d not so exciting is tt i hafta give tuition la.. haha...

anywayz, i finaLLy recorded sarah into my MD!! yay!! haha....

i stiLL need to go chinatOwn..........................

sarah sings "possession" this is one i havent fallen in love with... YET.. haha...

message remix bible

2003-01-29T23:28:00.000-08:00

okie me is home. finally had solid maggie goreng frm behind behind :) been craving for it forever :) and claypot bought me the message remix bible!! super cooL.. its one reaLLy cooL bibLe, in which Jesus told satan to "beat it!" haha.. cooL rite.. :D

oh weLL.. i'm feeling really bad now.. coz i pang seh-ed a fren.. lyk twice.. sigh... feeling v bad now.. but been really bz.. aRgh... SOWWIE........

oh well.. sarah mclachlan ROCKS!! i cannot stand it. i'm so totally hOoked on her!! her music i mean. muz clarify... before claypot starts talking rubbish..

i need to go chinatown. chinatown. chinatown................................................................

me is in sch nOw..

2003-01-27T14:27:00.000-08:00

juz had chicken chOp for lunch ;) juz stoning in canTeen now w yo & cLaypoT.. one of my juniors enlisting later den she's talking to him on d phOne now.. haa.. ok put down liaO...
anywayz, hOpe today wiLL be goOd... estLe is back in sg but i havent met up w her.. sigh... soOn la..
and i wanna go chinatown but no time..... and i need to do new yr shopping.... but noooooo time......... and i dunno how long my CNY break is lo.. haha.. so uninformed rite.. hahaha...

oh weLL.. :D

ok going for french cLass later. quite exciting. haha. but i scared i cmi. how? haha...

oh and today i forgot to being hair-tie to sch la.. so my hair is lyk all over d place.. frustrating!!!! i nv undersTood how some girls can walk ard w/o tying their in sch wan looooooooooo.....

sigh.. ok nothing much for now. i'm soooooo hoOked on the sarach mac song "do wad u haf to do"...

okie.. today's cooL..

2003-01-25T18:26:00.000-08:00

msg at church was cooL.. and powerfuL.. feeL v reassured and comforted yada yada.. :D which i should. i think.

last week.. ok last 2 weeks has been turbulant. not turbulant lyk in "why history? the turbulant 20th century" but enough action and turmoiL for me la.. afteraLL, i'm juz a pLain simpLe and ordinary girL leading a normaL life. and so on. haha

oh well. i'm recovering well. not much of a choice anyway. am gLad that things are going well in his life with the nice chick. :D

gLad that we r frens again :) it better last..
haha...

sarah mclachlan sings "do what you have to do"

2003-01-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

what ravages of spirit
conjured this temptous rage,
created you a monster, broken by the rules of love
and fate has led you thru it, you do what you have to do
oh and fate has led you thru it, you do what you have to do...

but i have the sense to recognize,
that i don't know how to let you go

every moment marked by apparitions of your soul,
i'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you, i do what i have to do,
the yearning to be near you, i do what i have to do

but i have the sense to recognise
that i don't know how to let you go,

and i don't know how to let you go

a glowing ember, burning hot,
burning slow
deep within i'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you

i know i can't be with you, i do what i have to do,
oh i know i can't be with you, i do what i have to do

and i have the sense to recognize
that i don't know how to let you go
i don't know how to let you go
don't know how
to let you go

i don't know how to let you go....

sarah mclachlan sings "do what you have to do"

MORNING WORLD!

2003-01-22T09:53:00.000-08:00

haha.. its 9:47 on a sunday morning! haha.. for some its reaLLy earLy to be up and onLine. haha. oh well.. haha.. refLex action. wake up, stone, mind wander, wander into places i dun like, msg a couple of ppl, reply dem, den hop of bed, wear specs, on lappie. this happens when i dun haf class at lyk 10am la. haha.

so anywayz, yah i am feeling better. and i hope that you are too. really sorry i farked up. its entirely my fault i know that. and i do know where u r coming from. hope when u get my card it'll all be clearer where i stand. not expecting much. juz for us to start over as frens. ok? and promise to NEVER, NEVER EVER mention this unpleasant episode again. ok? juz start over as frens according to d current situation. things haf changed, i know that. juz dun talk abt wad caused the change.. it makes life easier. can?

so anywayz, hOpe that today will be a bLessed sabbaTh.. for me and for aLL.. sarah mclachlan rocks!!

juz got back frm ny concert.

2003-01-20T02:47:00.000-08:00

felt good to be playing again. and lyk sing ny's cheena sch song.. after 5 yrs of not singing it.. haha.. really had a good time tonite.. :) looking forward to attending ntu's concert on the 27th.. v long nv go concert w the ny crowd. :)

anyway, yah it's been a good day on d whole :) things worked out in my head. God spoke and i trusted. learnt that it's really all abt letting go and letting God take over. and i'm happier. think joyful wud be better word.. haha..

oh and to all whom i haf promised to meet up with, or is planning to meet up with, juz wanna say that mondays are bad.. i haf full day class till 4, den 0430 got tuition, den aft tt muz run back to nus for either cg or band.. haha.. wednesdays are generally good :)

anyway, i've really grown in d past week or so.. and i'm a better person now. learning to surrender everything to God larz.. :) let Him be in controL :)

cheeriOs.. :)

i haf an overwhelming urge to bitch abt men.

2003-01-17T15:21:00.000-08:00

but i won't. i'll grin and bear it. i will not crack. i will be fine. the Lord is sustaining me. and one day i will meet someone who will love me and cherish me and stand all my crap and not give me crap that might kill me. someone who will go church w me every week, and haf his own walk with the Lord. someone who will stand by me.. and whom i will stand by. someone who is a man of his word. someone who will not say one thing and do another. someone who is not fickle. someone who is devoted. someone who will not mind-fark me. someone who knows that as strong as i am, i am juz a girl.

me is in central lib now.

2003-01-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

meant to get my readings but alone and dun wanna lug my lappie to and fro rbr. haha.
anyway. smth shitty happened again recently. and i feel horrendous. i can juz hear u all going "rach rach when can u tell us smth new?" oh well thats my life... sigh..
i think i shd be more selfish. i've been accused of being selfish by someone i love once. it hurts, esp since i dun consider myself a selfish person. ok we all haf selfish tendencies, but oh well.. thats another story.

so anyway, as i was saying, i shd be more selfish. for self-preservation. it is no longer abt being selfish so i can gain smth, but to be selfish so i'll stop losing. i amaze myself at how i juz seem to give and give yet noone except myself sees it. and when push comes to shove, i end up feeling lyk i've been the meanest bitch in the entire universe. while everyone else juz moves on and dun feel anything. am i that unimportant?

ok i know that Jesus loves me and i'm important to Him and all. and i'm causing Him a lot of heartache and pain when i sink so low.. but as much as i try to lean on Him and draw strength and comfort, i do need smth more human and physically present sometimes.. ARGH WAD AM I SAYING!!!

so anyway, i feel lyk i've lost. again. and my mom's point has once agian been proven. dun u hate it when ur mom is right all the time?
i'm wearing thin. one day soon i'll juz crack and crumble to bits. one more blow is all it'll take. and i haf a feeling that i'll be dealt that blow soon.
i believe that its a trial i hafta face? lyk how great faith is tested in great adversity.. and there are obviously people out there facing greater probs den me.. but still...

(its fucking cold in the lib)
ok its lyk i asked God to clear up some stuff in my life. and thru this, He has. juz that i didnt expect it to occur now. in such a manner. lyk instead of cleaning a portion a day, He spring cleaned it. oh well..

i've told myself that this is nothing. if i'm so unimportant to them, i'll see them as unimportant to me as well. it's juz hard to accept that i've been so insignificant and made so little impact and is so easily forgettable.
but no worries. i'll live. juz that i hafta learnt to live differently. and view things differently. to grow up, wake up, and not be a fucking naive ditz anymore..
(its fucking cold in the lib.. my fingers are going numb)

i could go on and on for hours. but i dun really wanna spiLL my guts here coz certain ppl haf access to this blog and i dun wan dem to haf the satisfaction of knowing the extent that i'm affected.

ok i'm starting to not make sense. very cold. 4pm still haf SW1101E lecture. dun ask y i'm taking SW. i dunno oso.

hillsongs sings "all things are possibLe"

ok i finally can view my own bLog.

2003-01-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

and i'm finally listening to mirrorbalL! haha!! but after listening to aftergLow, i still prefer aftergLow. mean lyk its a more mature sound frm her, with more moving lyrics... sad but dey speak to me more den her old songs. but i love dem all anyway :D

anyway, today was pretty cooL.. went to watch "love me if u dare".. finaLLy. fantastic movie! super welL done, juz didnt really lyk the ending la. but its v.. haunting... and its in french which makes it all the cooler.. maybe one day i can watch it and understand wad dey're saying w/o having to read the subtitles all d time.. haha.. french is such a beautiful language :)

need to shop. but no $$.. haha..

oh and i think my mom's ok abt the money thing liao, coz today i got my pay and topped up the savings acc.. haha..

anyway, tmr is back to sch after 2 days.. haha... oh weLL... den its the weekend.. den its 2nd wk liaO!!! nd to get all my readings soON!!!! -panic panic- haha.. kidding.. i'm cOOL!! haha...

getting really psychotic.. better log off soOn.. haha..

i'm v irritated my blogspot

2003-01-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

or my connection. or my server. I CAN'T VIEW MY BLOG! OR YOURS for that matter. everytime i type in the blog add, i get to http://new.blogger.com!! how irritating is that?? so i can blog but i cant see wad i've blogged. and i cant see wad u guys haf been blogging either, so pls forgive my absence. i can, however, view the blog in schooL, so i figured that it mus be connection or the server at hOme.. haha.. but since i cant lug my x31 to sch everyday, (and i dun go to sch everyday) i cant read ur blog everyday. sorry ah. esp to d booksellers, coz i make it a point to touch base dere regularly.. haha.. now to find a way to sort this out so i can start reading blogs at home again instead of blogging and not knowing wad i blogged. haha..

okie today was cooL

2003-01-07T19:18:00.000-08:00

tho kinda bz and did a bit of travelling.. had to bring bro to docs this morn at beauty world.. den couldn't jog. i muz start soon and do it regularly man. i'm getting bLardy F-A-T!! cannot stand myself la... oh den aft tt went town. to borders to get smth and claim money.. haha.. den went tuition, den went town again! to meet ismaiL and gang for dinner.. went to little india!! quite cooL.. i had to call william and tell him tt i'm dere, surrounded by his fave kind of people.. esp after taking SN1101E!! haha... anyway the chapatti dere is soLid la.. thanks ismaiL for d treat :)

and my mom is really on my case abt the horrendous amt of $$ i spent over december. and i accidentally let it sLip tt i was using my other acc. but i dun get it la.. coz tt acc is lyk MY savings frm my prev stint at borders, and wad's the point of having it and yada yada if i cant use it??? and so now she wants me to recollect how i ate into $300 frm tt acc over the past 6 months. its been 6 months. i dun think i really went overboard dere la... sigh. not prudent but i dun think it was that bad lo. not lyk i had to beg borrow steal.. not lyk i use until not a cent left den tell her. and she said i wasn't honest to her la, lyk why i use money nv tell her. mean lyk its MY money, MY account, and i think i dun hafta report to her everytime i open my wallet la.. ARGH!
hOpe she gets over it soon lo.. i dun get why shes so freaking uptight about this and why she thinks i'll juz spend every single cent that i have in a day or smth!! ARGH!!!!!!

ok tmr is lyk going town again. ismaiL gonna lend me mirrorbaLL!!! haha.. finaLLy.. think i'll feel so much better soOn.. hope she'll get off my case!!

okie gonna zzzzz liaO... nite nite..

in sch now. stoning

2003-01-06T19:17:00.000-08:00

can u beLieve it.. i'm actually in sch now. stoning. suddenly so free.. lyk v weird lidat leh.. SIAN.. and i'm so sian. and so sian. i wanna listen to sarah mclachlan!!! crap. hafta record it into md or juz go get a discman reaLLy soOn. cant wait to take my bLoody tp test again in march lo.. so irritating. the whole world can drive except me. sigh...
aiyah.. v sian.. and all the chatter ard me is starting to get to me.. think i'll escape to lib to find readings sOOn. den got js lecture at 4...

-pining away for sarah maclachlan's voice....-

someone pLs heLp me loOk out for "mirrorbaLL". i'm so wasting away waiting for that cd to be in my possession.....

today 1st day at sch was ok

2003-01-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

hi aLL.. today 1st day at sch was ok.. not toO bad.. haha.. really looking forward tO starting french lessons.. altho theres not a single english word in the entire french textbk and exercise bk.. :) haha.. was reaLLy :) that i survived classes, tuition and cg!!
anyway, it wasn't really eventful for a 1st day la.. juz a minor trouble finding a toilet. haha. lyk my usual places all kena construction. God was testing my bLadder la.. eventually went to the one outside PS office.. :)
CG was great! had a great time sharing :)
oh welL. hOpe tmr wiLL be goOd.. tmr got NY aLumni prac.. 2 more pracs to concert.. nd to find black collar shirt..

sarah mclachlan sings "time"

sch is starting tmr

2003-01-04T19:15:00.000-08:00

hi aLL..
sch is starting tmr. finally. i know the hoLs are short and alL, but aft i quit my job i was immediately plunged into long monologues w myself.. (duh. MONOlogue).. haha.. lyk tho its onli wad, 3 days between no job and sch start, and not lyk i'm v free during that 3 days, but.. oh weLL.. i juz nd to occupy myself so i wun think so much rubbish and therefore haf less psychobabble. i hope.

went for ac concert last nite. was good. missed my days playing under lee's batOn.. not going into wad a winderful conductor he is la.. but yah, i really miss playing under his baton, with acjc band, as a student. i think playing as a aLumni is different as playing as a student lo.. sigh.. maybe next yr i'll go back and play for their concert if can. maybe.

oh welL, ny concert this sat. the 10th. tho onli playing 2-3 short pieces, hope it goes well. am kinda excited too.. v long nv perform on stage in a concert liao. (the botanicaL garden stint w nusws does not count ah)

anyway, hOpe u aLL haf a blessed sabbaTh ;) for those going back 2 sch, see ya aLL ard la. for the shiny bOokseLLer gang, dO take care and lets try to get tog for dinner or smth.. basically, juz take care, everyOne of you!!

God is love :D

failing my tp test

2003-01-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

HELLO!!
i feel a lot better today.. despite failing my tp test la. haha but its ok. not lyk i expected to pass. ;) so ya, i'm cooL.. nex test in march.. pray for me. :D
anyway, i guess i'm a lot better now tt the new yr has started. really looking forward to a new beginning in more ways den one! hee.. shan't bore u aLL w the detaiLs la.. :D
anD today was pretty hectic.. haha.. but got mom drive me ard.. at least till i got to dobhy ghaut and had to take a train to kovan to meet my cg at cLaypot (seah's) place. haha. his sister v cute. lucky she dun looK lyk him. hahaha!!!
oh well.. was d only percussionist today at aLumni prac la.. den had to play dumset. it was lyk 1st time lo. lyk if u know how i am lyk in band u'll know that i can'T and won'T pLay d drumset.. but QPM and disco lives sounds weird w/o drum set.. so i made a feeble attempt. didnt go too badly. i hope. :)
anyway, gtg do qt soOn. and read the 2nd chapt of purpose driven life. :D
cheeriOs!!

"You stay the course You hoLd the line and keep it all together
You're the one true thing i know i can beLieve in"

sarah mclachlan sings "push"

today was me last day at work and it was great

2003-01-01T22:36:00.000-08:00

hey. hope u all had a good 1st day of d yr. today was me last day at work and it was great. at info 3 d whole day!! haha. and i even got to play sarah mclachlan at work!! (along w ismail's old school ballads la..) hee hee..

anyway, i'm so broke. haha. but i need to shop... pining away for my pay to come in.. in abt a weeK!! so long.... haha...

and i feel a lot better already. i think. :D juz tt mite slip into bitchiness for no reason now and den.. but well well.. haha.. thanks to all who haf stuck by me these 2 days or so.. and i know u guys wiLL continue to stand by me ya?? hee hee..

this is gonna sound really wad. but i realise i cannot take it when ppl tell me how much fun and how happening their NYE was.. ok la i admit its lyk sour grapes.. but well.. it makes me squirm and feel even more no life and loser. i'm usually not lidat. its juz tt was feeling lyk jilted and abandoned, so when i haf no plans when everyone else does, it juz makes me feel more loser-fied. haha..

oh well. tp test tmr morn. wish me luck :)

and i was reminded that its not abt me, but abt Him. w/o Him, i'm nothing.
"all things were created through Him and for Him"
Colossians 1:16 :)

"tho i've tried i've fallen
i have sunk so low
i've messed up better i should know
so dun u come round here
and tell me i told you so"

sarah mclachlan sings "faLLen"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! its officiaLLy 2003!!!

2003-01-01T12:06:00.000-08:00

haha.. ok jokes.. so fast a yr has flown by. into the recesses of my drawer my 2002 far side planner will go, and my pink hello kitty one will see d light of day and the dust of nus.. haha..

havent had a good cry in a while. and claypot commented that i seem more guarded. but juz now, after charmed, i went into my rOom to avoid watching countdown on tv, and i prayed. more of thanksgiving for 2002. 2002 was an extremely eventful yr, wad with working and starting uni and all. got to knoe many wonderful ppl in this past yr, and learnt many many many things. many things, esp relationships, have started, ended, and changed in this past 365 days.. and i am all the better for it all. i think.

oh well. God has certainly blessed me greatly in 2002. tho many unpleasant stuff has happened, its all part and parcel of life. and with His grace and mercy i'm still alive and in one piece :D and His blessings haf also been showered upon me.

and it is during this quiet time of thanksgiving that i broke down and cried.. not teared.. but lyk a tap kind la. haha.. and aft the tears are gone, i juz sat in silence. and once again, my faith is reaffirmed. and the world shd look out in 2003, for i'll walk in His light with all of His people, being a force to be reckoned with. i'm more den sure 2003 will be a yr of great and powerful things.. and i rest secure in His love for me. and know wad, i feel so much better.. haha.. juz maybe a bit upset that i cried la.

hOpe tt in this new yr, i'll be able to be a greater blessing to all around me. that in all things i do, i glorify Him.

may d Lord bLess u and keep u aLL shiny ppL!! -hugz-

New Year Soon

2002-12-31T22:35:00.000-08:00

ok i'm using my lappie now so can watch charmed at d same time. i know i've blogged a million times today but its the last day of a super eventful year and i have nothing better to do. all things will change as of 1/1/03. i know it will change, and it will change for the better thru Him. For He is the Rock upon which i stand; my shelter and strong tower.

oh well. hope i'll continue to grow in faith over time and not lose sight despite everything. i'm not perfect, but He loves me anyway. that shd be reason enough for me not to feel frustrated, and lost and so on. ARGH. i think i'm starting to irritate all those who haf been faithfully following my blog, tho its been only 3 days old. haha.

argh i'm feeling so......................... i dunch know.. argh.. its this feeling of being cooped up and stuff.. think shaken coke can. argh..

happy new year.

pray that i'll be able to lean on His strength more and not rely on myself to get thru this. if He is proving for the birds and bees and flowers and that s-o-b, all the more He is providing for me. right?

its new year's eve. noone is online except me

2002-12-31T21:54:00.000-08:00

so loser rite. haha. juz abt everyone i know is out, w frens, having fun.. yada yada.. sigh. i'm not asking for much, juz to be able to sit down a few close frens and talk abt stuff.. but well well.. looks lyk everyone made plans w/o me. really gotta thank claypot for having dinner w me, if not i even more sad case.

i cant believe i juz sms that s-o-b again.. to wish him happy new year. I SO CANNOT STAND MYSELF!!! why am i so weak????? tho it is in my weakness that His strength is perfected.. BUT STILL!!! sigh.. i hafta stop being such a loser man. i bet that s-o-b is not feeling even one-tenth, not not even one-hundrendth, of the emptiness i feel right now. juz realised i cried harder when jin left for aussie den now. looks lyk that s-o-b really sucked all dere is to suck out of me.
he shd add "vampire" to his name.. (wadeva la, rachel. wad rubbish.)

oh no, my bro is watching countdown on tv now i think.. or at least all the countdown hype is on tv now.. not lyk i wish to be at any loud and public countdown parties now. juz thinking of being squashed up against all those strange ppL, screaming and cheering for i dunno wad reason. how many people really cheer for the coming of this new year because they see smth significant in it? or are they juz joining in the hype coz its fun, its the happening thing to do, its the place to go to be seen... yada yada yada..

cant wait for sch to start. den i'll be caught up with better things and not think so much rubbish.

theres so much in me that i wanna unleash.. yet i can't. dunno where to start. how to do it. when i was in sec 2, i once heard a volleyball senior say that she feels lyk a can of coke being shaken extremely vigorously, with all that gas (energy) trapped in that extremely limited space. den when its finally opened, it not only bubbles over, but explodes literally. am i becoming like that coke can i wonder?

anyway, charmed has started.. will be back at 11.. haha..

how stupid could i be

2002-12-31T21:43:00.000-08:00

night lift up the shades let in the brilliant light of morning
but steady me now for i am weak and starving for mercy
sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong
and all i can do to hang on, to keep me from falling into old familiar shoes

how stupid could i be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one i see

love has made me a fool set me on fire and watched as i floundered
unable to speak except to cry out and wait for your answer
and you come around in your time speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis that dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning in this desert without you

how stupid could i be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one i see

everything changes everything falls apart
I CAN'T STAND TO FEEL MYSELF LOSING CONTROL
IN THE DEEP OF MY WEAKNESS I KNOW

how stupid could i be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one i see

-Stupid- sarah

if i had the blogging skills of my darling hon, i wud, lyk her, upload the song on my blog and u all can all enjoy mclachlan's splendid vocals.. but do make do w the lyrics for now. she really knows how i'm feeling man. haha.

know wad

2002-12-31T13:55:00.000-08:00

i think LoveActually is a fantastic movie. maybe when i feel better i'll watch it again to remind myseLf that love can be beautifuL, and not everyone is a jerk ;)

driving lesson

2002-12-31T00:55:00.000-08:00

hey hey.. me juz got back not long ago frm driving lesson. last one before the test. havent driven in 2 months so tot it'll be horribLe lessOn.. den was praying for it to be at least a safe one on my way to ssdc coz i onli slept for lyk 3 pLus hrs.. but it was gooD.. think i might haf a chance of passing my test 1st time.. haha..

anyway, last nite was absolutely horrifying.. lyk i prayed.. den changed CD in my hi-fi frm saach mclachlan to a hillsong cd.. hOping that i'll be more comforted and sLeep easier. but it did not work. i was looking at my clock every 15 min.. and the cd ran 3 times before i think i fell asleep.. even reached a point when i got up and started reading 2 Corinthians.. but it didnt help me sleep. it onli reminded me that it is in my weakness that He is perfected. that His strength is what i need and wad will see me thru. that i need to admit defeat and let Him move w/i this..

so after being reminded.. i felt a bit better.. but after i switched off the light one kind of fear and loneliness juz gripped me. an acute sense that everything.. i mean EVERYTHING is over juz ripped thru me.. my eyes watered but i forced them back. no point crying over spiLt miLk. right? haha..

so anyway, i really felt bugged.. and caved in. i sms-ed that s-o-b some stuff.. nothing abusive la.. juz a notification of smth that had occurred to me in those sleepless hours.. that all along, i had tot he loves me more den i love him. i was nv in doubt of that, and ppL ard me say that dey can see it too.. but i suddenly realised that its not true. lyk i've been falling. slowly but surely, i was falling deeper and deeper.. giving that s-o-b more and more of me.. and i didn't realise in time to stop myself. sigh. damn sad. but anyway, that s-o-b nv repLy me la.. but it was not surprising la. and knowing him, he wun know wad to say.

but after d day started.. went driving and aLL.. and i feel caLm.. and secure in the knowledge that Jesus is more den enough for me. who needs that s-o-b.. but that s-o-b is a chiLd of God too, and i wonder wad He is making of this entire situation now????? sigh..

i'm cooL. hope i stay that way. w/o the void. haha.

when i pass d test i want a number plates that sez cOoL BaBe..

thank u aLL shiny ppL lyk hOn, jin, cLaypot.. for understanding and listening and sticking by me.. :)

WADEVA DOESN'T KILL ME WILL ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER..

2002-12-31T00:30:00.000-08:00

well well.. once again, it has stooD true.. tho i feel lyk a wreck on the inside, i remain cooL and caLm on d outside.. haha.. kinda scary i know.. but welL..

haf finally gotten out of this vicious cycle w a certain s-o-b.. feel quite pleased abt the way i did it.. lyk i made known to him at least 90% of wad i haf been thinking.. but it quite lyk d last time, when i broke up w him.. with me talking and talking and him keeping really quiet and having a farking pissed off look on his farked up face..

so anyway, i was amazing calm the whole time i was talking to him.. lyk i didnt cry or get angry or feel out of control... den at the end of the walk, (we talked as we walked) when i was nearing home, i juz asked him if he meant every word in the letter he wrote me. and he said yes.. so i simply said that i guess i've got my answer.. and that there's nothing more to say.. and i walked off. lyk i juz walked very fast and left w/o turning.. (quite cool rite?????)

now i feel really VOID.. lyk EMPTY.. lyk i actually let tt idiot drain me lidat and left me as an empty sheLL.. gosh!! feel lyk a moron now.. haha.. how cud i even haf allowed myself to be manipulated lidat??

this sounds eviL, but i hope with all my heart that a bit.. wait no.. A LOT of him died when i turned and walked away rapidly juz den.. and i hope tt he's regretting everything.. BUT i'm sure he feels really fantastic now, and that he is thinking "Good Riddance". and that he's feeling really happy now..

oh that s-o-b juz sms me.. to say hate him all i want, to take care and God bless. i juz replied to him that i feel really void now.. nothing left. and that i hope he is feeling happy, fantastic, exuberant, and extremely jubilant now.
i hope he's feeling really shitty now. -eviL laughter-
ok i'm scaring myself..

when it all sinks in.. i hope i will really let go and turn to the Lord.. for only He can heaL me.. and consoLe me.. and take care of me.. and provide for me..

i hope i will stop loving him.. one day. i sure as hell hope i do.

ok i realised tt this in my 4th time blogging in d same day..

2002-12-30T15:10:00.000-08:00

can blame it either on a) tt i'm a new blogger and this is all really exciting.. or b) i'm at home.. haf done all tt i feel lyk doing.. and having losta time to compose psychObabble and now need to unleash it.. haha. i think (b) is more true den (a)..

juz finished listening to sarah mclachlan's afterglow for the 12th time today. i'm not kidding. its fantastic. she's got a greaT voice and writes fantastic lyrics.. its playing for the 13th time now.

quite exciting.. tmr new year's eve.. think the most happening thing tt i'll be doing wud be to go for driving lesson in d morning.. den put up my cute 2004 wall calendar.. and its quite exciting tt i can start using my hello kitty PINK PINK PINK engagement calendar.. or planner.. those who r gonna see me in sch wiLL confirm get to see it! haha...

yah i think i'm d onli one ard into hello kitty and cars.. haha.. i'm now trying hard not to go into detail abt the new bmw 5-series.. or the 760Li.. or the volvo S80.. s80 executive.. Lexus LS430.. yada yada yada.. haha..

going back to nygh for alumni prac later after tuition.. haha.. havent been back to ny in more den a yr liao i thinK.. haha..

oh weLL.. forgot wad else i was going to say.. tiLL tonite den.. haha...

checking out RoMe Festival, coOl his..

cheeriOs..

"hearts break hearts mend love still hurts
visions clash planes crash still there's talk of
saving souls still the cold is closing in on us"

ok stoLe this frm deafknee's bLog..

2002-12-30T10:30:00.000-08:00

who stoLe this frm dunno where.. hope u dun mind daph! had to share it.. so sad but true..

As you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. Every year there is a celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be repeated. During this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.
It is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. As you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the celebration. Family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't know the meaning of the celebration.

I remember that last year there was a great feast in my honor. The dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and chocolates. The decorations were exquisite and there were many, many beautifully wrapped gifts. But, do you want to know something? I wasn't invited. I was the guest of honor and they didn't remember to send me an invitation. The party was for me, but when that great day came, I was left outside, they closed the door in my face .... and I wanted to be with them and share their table.

In truth, that didn't surprise me because in the last few years all close their doors to me. Since I wasn't invited, I decided to enter the party without making any noise. I went in and stood in a corner. They were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. They were having a grand time. To top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard entered the room yelling Ho-Ho-Ho! He seemed drunk. He sat on the sofa and all the children ran to him, saying: "Santa Claus, Santa Claus" .. as if the party were in his honor!

At 12 Midnight all the people began to hug each other; I extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me and ... do you know ... no one hugged me. Suddenly they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with great expectation. When all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me.

What would you feel if on your birthday everybody shared gifts and you did not get one? I then understood that I was unwanted at that party and quietly left.

Every year it gets worse. People only remember to eat and drink, the gifts, the parties and nobody remembers me. I would like this Christmas that you allow me to enter into your life. I would like that you recognize the fact that almost two thousand years ago I came to this world to give my life for you, on the cross, to save you. Today, I only want that you believe this with all your heart.

I want to share something with you. As many didn't invite me to their party, I will have my own celebration, a grandiose party that no one has ever imagined, a spectacular party.

I'm still making the final arrangements. Today I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you. I want to know if you wish to attend and I will make a reservation for you and write your name with golden letters in my great guest book. Only those on the guest list will be invited to the party. Those who don't answer the invite, will be left outside.
Be prepared because when all is ready you will be part of my great party.

See you soon ... I Love you!
Jesus

new yrs resolutions..

2002-12-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

ok i juz went on jin's bLog.. and saw tt he has openLy decLared his new yrs resolutions.. haha.. maybe i shd declare mine to.. at least those tt are declarabLe.. and sound lyk resolutions and not simpLy things to do..
1. get my driving license
2. keep a prayer journaL and be consistent abt it..
3. achieve a cap of at least 4.0
4. to try bake a whole cake frm scratch...

ok got a few more.. but dey sound more lyk merely stuff to do. jOkes.. so anyway.. guys, do heLp me achieve these simpLe but challenging in its own way goaLs.. juz reminding me is good enough.. thanks.. :D

morning..

2002-12-26T09:34:00.000-08:00

woke up really earLy so that i can stay vigilant by my pc to look after my moduLes.. haha.. and i'm really tired anyway.. and i'm off tmr.. and thurs is my last day.. jOkes.. hOpe i get the siLLy SS moduLe man.. irritating la.. and today i'll be starting to give tuition again.. to a pri 2 indian girL.. hOpe i can make it. haha.. and she dun really mus haf tuition on mondays..

bLoody sianz.. juz reaLised this is lyk the 1st or 2nd day tt i'm actually at home and dun haf plans till nite.. haha.. think good oso la. nd the rest.

and it juz sank in that today is the 30th aLready! haha.. and tmr is new year's eve.. but i dun feeL anything.. lyk so un-happening.. think maybe coz i got no plans. and nothing to look 4ward to really.. haha..

frst post

2002-12-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

hey hey.. after a miLLion years i finally caved in and decided to create a bLog.. lyk been really inspired by ppL lyk marlena and darkness.. haha.. even jin has a bLog.. well well.. nothing much.. cept tt i hOpe all the stoopid confusing stuff happening wiLL work out.. i know it wiLL in His time.. juz hOpe tt i can learn to really leave it entirely in His hands la.. and tt i manage to get all my modules for next sem man..

"i'm a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wiLd fire born of frustration
looking for one love to take me so high

i've no fear at all....."