its new year's eve. noone is online except me

so loser rite. haha. juz abt everyone i know is out, w frens, having fun.. yada yada.. sigh. i'm not asking for much, juz to be able to sit down a few close frens and talk abt stuff.. but well well.. looks lyk everyone made plans w/o me. really gotta thank claypot for having dinner w me, if not i even more sad case.

i cant believe i juz sms that s-o-b again.. to wish him happy new year. I SO CANNOT STAND MYSELF!!! why am i so weak????? tho it is in my weakness that His strength is perfected.. BUT STILL!!! sigh.. i hafta stop being such a loser man. i bet that s-o-b is not feeling even one-tenth, not not even one-hundrendth, of the emptiness i feel right now. juz realised i cried harder when jin left for aussie den now. looks lyk that s-o-b really sucked all dere is to suck out of me.
he shd add "vampire" to his name.. (wadeva la, rachel. wad rubbish.)

oh no, my bro is watching countdown on tv now i think.. or at least all the countdown hype is on tv now.. not lyk i wish to be at any loud and public countdown parties now. juz thinking of being squashed up against all those strange ppL, screaming and cheering for i dunno wad reason. how many people really cheer for the coming of this new year because they see smth significant in it? or are they juz joining in the hype coz its fun, its the happening thing to do, its the place to go to be seen... yada yada yada..

cant wait for sch to start. den i'll be caught up with better things and not think so much rubbish.

theres so much in me that i wanna unleash.. yet i can't. dunno where to start. how to do it. when i was in sec 2, i once heard a volleyball senior say that she feels lyk a can of coke being shaken extremely vigorously, with all that gas (energy) trapped in that extremely limited space. den when its finally opened, it not only bubbles over, but explodes literally. am i becoming like that coke can i wonder?

anyway, charmed has started.. will be back at 11.. haha..